We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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