Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
