I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
