something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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