Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
