See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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