508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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