I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
