She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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