I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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