some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
