I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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