Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
