You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
