Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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