tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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