It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
