Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
