So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
