The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My life is pants optional.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
