i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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