i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
