My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
