If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
