After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
