What did we do last night that was yellow?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
