You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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