Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The power of my boobs compel you
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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