She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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