Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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