Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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