I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
