Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
