Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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