Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
