I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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