Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
