you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
