Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
