And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
