Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
