He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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