I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
