And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
