Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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