dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
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