I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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