now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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