This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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