ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
