i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
